Faith is one month old today. It seems like it's been much longer than that. I just realized that I haven't seen Faith since she was a little over two weeks old. I bet she's changed a ton. Sarah got a chance to spend some time with Faith this past Monday when she joined them for a day at the park.
I just talked to Jeff (adoptive dad) because I was so shocked that it's only been a month, and he agreed that it seems like much longer. He said that Faith has changed very much in the last couple weeks. She's holding her head up, tracking objects, smiling, and making eye contact. Now I want to see her, but we and they are both busy this weekend, so it'll probably be next week sometime before I get to see her.
Sometimes this is harder than other times.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Signing papers
The ASP (Adoption Service Provider) is here right now going over the adoption paperwork with Sarah. This starts the "formal" process of adoption. After these papers are signed Sarah still has 30 days to change her mind. There is a process for giving up the 30 day waiting period, but according to the ASP it can take nearly 30 days to complete the process to give up the 30 days and it requires at least one trip up to Monterey Park, so it seems rather pointless to do that.
I don't know if this meeting will make it harder for Sarah....we'll see.
We're supposed to go over to the Smith's later this afternoon to celebrate another daughter's birthday and to see Faith.
I don't know if this meeting will make it harder for Sarah....we'll see.
We're supposed to go over to the Smith's later this afternoon to celebrate another daughter's birthday and to see Faith.
Monday, July 23, 2007
It's all over but the healing....
Well, not really. It won't ever be all over.
S was a champ through the whole thing. We went to the doctor for a test at 1 pm Monday afternoon. By 3:30 we were at the hospital. We didn't leave the hospital until 6:30 pm Wednesday.
The antenatal test was at the Kaiser hospital in Anaheim. Susan, the adoptive mother met us there. They did the first part of the test and found out that S's fluid was low. A nurse/midwife came in and checked S. They wanted to put her in the hospital right then. S had already expressed her desire to deliver at Irvine (where we had toured). They asked how important it was. S turned to me for help and I told them that I thought it was fairly important, that it really was a comfort level thing since she had already been to that hospital and toured it.
They called Irvine and found out that they had a bed open and could take her right away, so we got in the truck and drove to Irvine (with a stop at home for our stuff). No one ever came right out and said that they were concerned, but it seemed to me that they must be because they wanted her in the hospital right away.
We arrived at Irvine and went into Admitting. They asked if we were coming from Kaiser and sent us directly to the second floor. At the second floor, we gave them S's name and they took us directly to a room. Wow...what service.
Warning: things might get graphic after this. I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there...so strap in or get out...
They started S on a IV right away. Some time later a doctor came in and did an exam and they started her on Pitocin, to start the contractions. At some point Donna, S's birth coach, arrived.
It kind of starts to all run together at that point. Susan and I spent Monday night with S in her room. Donna left sometime late that evening to sleep at home. I got the roll away bed, affectionately named "the canoe", and Susan pushed two recliners (neither of which reclined) together to sleep. S was up quite a few times during the night to go to the restroom, or just to get comfortable. Every time S moved, the monitors that were around her tummy got messed up and the nurse would come in and readjust them. I was up with her each time.
About 5:30 am Tuesday morning, the doctor (Doctor "Sausage Fingers", with his "bed hair") came in again and checked S. She was still at 2 cm. Doctor decided to break the water, and did. Ewww. He also put a fetal monitor in. No more belly band monitors after that. Not too long after that, the contractions started in earnest. S handled it like a trooper. Ok, she was a little cranky from time to time, but who wouldn't be?
As I said, things started to run together at some point. Donna came back somewhere along the way. Epidural got started sometime in there, and S was much happier after that. Early afternoon, the new doctor (Doctor "Shorty", a little Asian female doc)checked and S was only at about 3 cm, so she ordered more Pitocin. We talked Susan into going home to rest a little. Reluctantly, she did, with orders that I call if anything happened.
An hour or so later, the doctor checked again and S was at 8 cm. Now things really started to happen. I called Susan and she came back immediately. At some time, the doctor came back in and said we were going to have a baby.
Things started getting moved about the room. Carts and nurses came in. A big light was wheeled in. Part of S's bed was taken off and her little feet were put in the stirrups. Donna was on one side and I was on the other side. We helped her breathe and held her legs up while she pushed. She breathed and pushed, and breathed and pushed...rested and breathed and pushed some more.
All of the sudden, S breathed and pushed one last time and then there was this little miracle in the room. I was so damn proud of my baby girl I couldn't stand it. S was crying, Donna was crying, and I was crying. It was awesome. It was an experience that I had been denied up until this point, and I'm honored that my baby girl let me be a part of it...standing right there holding her hand through it all.
S was awesome through the whole thing. I couldn't have been more proud of her. Through this whole nine months, she did everything right. She read up on the internet on every stage of the pregnancy and knew what was going on all along. She made all the right decisions, especially the big, difficult decision about the adoption.
Faith Danielle Kennedy (so much for the anonymity that I've been protecting for nine months...I'm so proud of Sarah and Faith that I no longer care who knows) was born at 4:59 pm on Tuesday 7-17-07, at a weight of 8 lbs, 4 ozs and a length of 20 3/4 inches. She's an awesome (I know I keep using that word, but I can't come up with another word that describes it better) little girl and so is my little girl Sarah.
More later...
S was a champ through the whole thing. We went to the doctor for a test at 1 pm Monday afternoon. By 3:30 we were at the hospital. We didn't leave the hospital until 6:30 pm Wednesday.
The antenatal test was at the Kaiser hospital in Anaheim. Susan, the adoptive mother met us there. They did the first part of the test and found out that S's fluid was low. A nurse/midwife came in and checked S. They wanted to put her in the hospital right then. S had already expressed her desire to deliver at Irvine (where we had toured). They asked how important it was. S turned to me for help and I told them that I thought it was fairly important, that it really was a comfort level thing since she had already been to that hospital and toured it.
They called Irvine and found out that they had a bed open and could take her right away, so we got in the truck and drove to Irvine (with a stop at home for our stuff). No one ever came right out and said that they were concerned, but it seemed to me that they must be because they wanted her in the hospital right away.
We arrived at Irvine and went into Admitting. They asked if we were coming from Kaiser and sent us directly to the second floor. At the second floor, we gave them S's name and they took us directly to a room. Wow...what service.
Warning: things might get graphic after this. I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there...so strap in or get out...
They started S on a IV right away. Some time later a doctor came in and did an exam and they started her on Pitocin, to start the contractions. At some point Donna, S's birth coach, arrived.
It kind of starts to all run together at that point. Susan and I spent Monday night with S in her room. Donna left sometime late that evening to sleep at home. I got the roll away bed, affectionately named "the canoe", and Susan pushed two recliners (neither of which reclined) together to sleep. S was up quite a few times during the night to go to the restroom, or just to get comfortable. Every time S moved, the monitors that were around her tummy got messed up and the nurse would come in and readjust them. I was up with her each time.
About 5:30 am Tuesday morning, the doctor (Doctor "Sausage Fingers", with his "bed hair") came in again and checked S. She was still at 2 cm. Doctor decided to break the water, and did. Ewww. He also put a fetal monitor in. No more belly band monitors after that. Not too long after that, the contractions started in earnest. S handled it like a trooper. Ok, she was a little cranky from time to time, but who wouldn't be?
As I said, things started to run together at some point. Donna came back somewhere along the way. Epidural got started sometime in there, and S was much happier after that. Early afternoon, the new doctor (Doctor "Shorty", a little Asian female doc)checked and S was only at about 3 cm, so she ordered more Pitocin. We talked Susan into going home to rest a little. Reluctantly, she did, with orders that I call if anything happened.
An hour or so later, the doctor checked again and S was at 8 cm. Now things really started to happen. I called Susan and she came back immediately. At some time, the doctor came back in and said we were going to have a baby.
Things started getting moved about the room. Carts and nurses came in. A big light was wheeled in. Part of S's bed was taken off and her little feet were put in the stirrups. Donna was on one side and I was on the other side. We helped her breathe and held her legs up while she pushed. She breathed and pushed, and breathed and pushed...rested and breathed and pushed some more.
All of the sudden, S breathed and pushed one last time and then there was this little miracle in the room. I was so damn proud of my baby girl I couldn't stand it. S was crying, Donna was crying, and I was crying. It was awesome. It was an experience that I had been denied up until this point, and I'm honored that my baby girl let me be a part of it...standing right there holding her hand through it all.
S was awesome through the whole thing. I couldn't have been more proud of her. Through this whole nine months, she did everything right. She read up on the internet on every stage of the pregnancy and knew what was going on all along. She made all the right decisions, especially the big, difficult decision about the adoption.
Faith Danielle Kennedy (so much for the anonymity that I've been protecting for nine months...I'm so proud of Sarah and Faith that I no longer care who knows) was born at 4:59 pm on Tuesday 7-17-07, at a weight of 8 lbs, 4 ozs and a length of 20 3/4 inches. She's an awesome (I know I keep using that word, but I can't come up with another word that describes it better) little girl and so is my little girl Sarah.
More later...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
S's blog
S has a blog about her pregnancy at http://dazed-konfused.livejournal.com/.
You didn't hear about it here.
You didn't hear about it here.
Week 40
Today's the day but only by the calendar apparently. The trip to the Land of the Vaginas ® last Thursday yielded no joy for S. The doc did the exam and proclaimed that there had been no changes since the week before, which essentially meant that S was no closer to delivering than she had been the week prior.
There have been no significant changes in the week since. Today is the due date, and there's nothing on the horizon. S is done. She wants to deliver the baby and get on with life. She's tired, and sore, and hot, and just done.
In other news, S decided that she does not want R in the birthing room. S doesn't mind if R is in the hospital, but S expressed to me many times her desire that R not be in the birthing room, because she's afraid it will cause too much stress...and she's probably right.
S did not want to tell R herself. She wanted me to do it. I told her I would handle it. The other evening, I called R (with S sitting next to me) and told her as gently as I could, that S doesn't want her in the birthing room. I told her that S was afraid that it would cause her stress, and that she didn't mind if R was at the hospital, and that she loves her, but this was her decision. In standard form, the response I got was "Whatever. You've done this whole thing by yourself. S doesn't need me." and click, she hung up.
I told S what she said and S said that she had hoped that R would be more mature about the whole thing. I agreed, and said that it could have been worse. I know S wishes that she had a more normal relationship with R and that she had been and would be more of a mother, but I'm afraid there's just been too much water under that bridge.
The bags are packed, the truck is filled with gas, the hospital phone number is in speed dial. I suppose we're as ready as we're going to be.
There have been no significant changes in the week since. Today is the due date, and there's nothing on the horizon. S is done. She wants to deliver the baby and get on with life. She's tired, and sore, and hot, and just done.
In other news, S decided that she does not want R in the birthing room. S doesn't mind if R is in the hospital, but S expressed to me many times her desire that R not be in the birthing room, because she's afraid it will cause too much stress...and she's probably right.
S did not want to tell R herself. She wanted me to do it. I told her I would handle it. The other evening, I called R (with S sitting next to me) and told her as gently as I could, that S doesn't want her in the birthing room. I told her that S was afraid that it would cause her stress, and that she didn't mind if R was at the hospital, and that she loves her, but this was her decision. In standard form, the response I got was "Whatever. You've done this whole thing by yourself. S doesn't need me." and click, she hung up.
I told S what she said and S said that she had hoped that R would be more mature about the whole thing. I agreed, and said that it could have been worse. I know S wishes that she had a more normal relationship with R and that she had been and would be more of a mother, but I'm afraid there's just been too much water under that bridge.
The bags are packed, the truck is filled with gas, the hospital phone number is in speed dial. I suppose we're as ready as we're going to be.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Week 38
2 weeks to go. Holy cow...this is really going to happen....soon.
Another trip to the Land of the Vaginas ® yesterday. S actually wanted me to go in with her, even knowing that she was going to be "checked".
The funny part, however, happened before we went into the exam room. S was at the nurses station doing the pre-appointment inspection: you know...weight, temperature, blood pressure. Well, the nurse that was doing it was new. She was being supervised by the nurse that usually sees S. The new girl tried three times to get S's blood pressure and couldn't. She said that the midwife would just take it manually. S got this weird look on her face and said "She'll what?!?"
The regular nurse and I looked at each other and both said "She'll take it manually".
S said, "Oh, I thought she said anally." LOL...yeah, we knew that.
Another trip to the Land of the Vaginas ® yesterday. S actually wanted me to go in with her, even knowing that she was going to be "checked".
The funny part, however, happened before we went into the exam room. S was at the nurses station doing the pre-appointment inspection: you know...weight, temperature, blood pressure. Well, the nurse that was doing it was new. She was being supervised by the nurse that usually sees S. The new girl tried three times to get S's blood pressure and couldn't. She said that the midwife would just take it manually. S got this weird look on her face and said "She'll what?!?"
The regular nurse and I looked at each other and both said "She'll take it manually".
S said, "Oh, I thought she said anally." LOL...yeah, we knew that.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
35 weeks
Another trip to The Land of the Vaginas ® yesterday. Tomorrow will be 35 weeks. That makes it five short weeks until D-Day for those that are keeping score. I'm not sure that I'm ready for this, but it doesn't really matter, does it? This baby is going to come whether I'm ready for it or not.
S isn't ready. She's putting up a brave front and being strong, but she's scared and nervous. She's reading everything she can on the internet about pregnancy and knows whats going on every step of the way. She knows way more about it than I do. She's grown up so much through this. On the other hand, the fact that she's grown up so much has made her really realize what she's missing not being in school. During the last week, she's seen lots of kids out for their prom and has been disappointed that she's not participating. She realizes what she's missing and is ready to go back to school and get involved. Her grades at the alternative school that she's attending are ok and improving. She's got a couple of C's, a B and an A. I haven't seen grades like that since about 4th grade. I hope she can keep it up after returning to regular school in September.
The alleged father of the baby has moved from his mother's house nearby to his father's house in another county. His mother told his father about the situation. ( I had called and offered to give them the "denial" form to sign and be done with it.) The father called me and basically said that his son isn't the father. He said to me "have you considered the possibility that your daughter is lying to you?" I told him that, yes, I had considered that and asked him if he'd considered the possibility that his son is lying to him. He ducked that comment. I offered the denial form to him and he dismissed it because he "doesn't want his son's name involved in this." I wonder how he'll feel when his son is named in a paternity suit. He told me that he needed to talk to his attorney, and I told him that would be fine, and to have his attorney call me. That was last Thursday and I haven't heard anything back from him. Now we need to get with the adoptive parents and plan the next move.
We don't want anything from this kid but to take responsibility. S doesn't want him to get away with simply denying it, and at this point, neither do I.
Enough for now. Keep praying for us. I need that baby to stay on schedule.
S isn't ready. She's putting up a brave front and being strong, but she's scared and nervous. She's reading everything she can on the internet about pregnancy and knows whats going on every step of the way. She knows way more about it than I do. She's grown up so much through this. On the other hand, the fact that she's grown up so much has made her really realize what she's missing not being in school. During the last week, she's seen lots of kids out for their prom and has been disappointed that she's not participating. She realizes what she's missing and is ready to go back to school and get involved. Her grades at the alternative school that she's attending are ok and improving. She's got a couple of C's, a B and an A. I haven't seen grades like that since about 4th grade. I hope she can keep it up after returning to regular school in September.
The alleged father of the baby has moved from his mother's house nearby to his father's house in another county. His mother told his father about the situation. ( I had called and offered to give them the "denial" form to sign and be done with it.) The father called me and basically said that his son isn't the father. He said to me "have you considered the possibility that your daughter is lying to you?" I told him that, yes, I had considered that and asked him if he'd considered the possibility that his son is lying to him. He ducked that comment. I offered the denial form to him and he dismissed it because he "doesn't want his son's name involved in this." I wonder how he'll feel when his son is named in a paternity suit. He told me that he needed to talk to his attorney, and I told him that would be fine, and to have his attorney call me. That was last Thursday and I haven't heard anything back from him. Now we need to get with the adoptive parents and plan the next move.
We don't want anything from this kid but to take responsibility. S doesn't want him to get away with simply denying it, and at this point, neither do I.
Enough for now. Keep praying for us. I need that baby to stay on schedule.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tired...
I'm tired. A lot.
But today the reason is that I was awakened at 4:30 something this morning by the question "Dad, how many Braxton-Hicks contractions can I have in an hour before we have to call the hospital?"
Ok. I'm awake. "I think it's six. What did you have?"
"5"
I'm out of bed to look at the card that the nurse gave us. It doesn't tell me. S says she'll go look at her book (the binder that they gave her with all the info about pregnancy that one would ever need.)
She comes back and tells me that it is, indeed, six. I ask again how many she had and she tells me 5 in a little more than an hour.
I'm not alarmed, but not altogether calm either.
Go back to bed and relax, I tell her, and I do the same. I was actually able to go back to sleep for a while, but I dreamed of hospitals.
This on top of the fact that last night she announced that she only had 40 days left. My mind said "Ahhhhhh!", but my persona remained cool as a cucumber. In the next forty days I have to pack everything we own, move into a new apartment, take S to 5 doctor appointments, a hospital orientation and a lamaze class, complete adoption paperwork, contact the sperm donor dad, become a grandfather, and the good Lord only knows what else.
I need a vacation.
But today the reason is that I was awakened at 4:30 something this morning by the question "Dad, how many Braxton-Hicks contractions can I have in an hour before we have to call the hospital?"
Ok. I'm awake. "I think it's six. What did you have?"
"5"
I'm out of bed to look at the card that the nurse gave us. It doesn't tell me. S says she'll go look at her book (the binder that they gave her with all the info about pregnancy that one would ever need.)
She comes back and tells me that it is, indeed, six. I ask again how many she had and she tells me 5 in a little more than an hour.
I'm not alarmed, but not altogether calm either.
Go back to bed and relax, I tell her, and I do the same. I was actually able to go back to sleep for a while, but I dreamed of hospitals.
This on top of the fact that last night she announced that she only had 40 days left. My mind said "Ahhhhhh!", but my persona remained cool as a cucumber. In the next forty days I have to pack everything we own, move into a new apartment, take S to 5 doctor appointments, a hospital orientation and a lamaze class, complete adoption paperwork, contact the sperm donor dad, become a grandfather, and the good Lord only knows what else.
I need a vacation.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Ultrasound, part trois
Another trip to the Land of the Vaginas® (for those not following along at home, that's the OB/Gyn office) last evening. We went in the building and S had to pee, so I sent her upstairs to take care of that while I checked in. Met her upstairs and we went over to the proper area. When the called her name, we went in, and S was handed the little pee on the strip thing. S said "I just went to the bathroom. Oops. Like this doesn't happen every time, and neither of us remembered it. Anyway, we told her to drink some water and run the faucet. Success.
Over to the nurse station where I noticed a new vagina model that hasn't been there before. S said I was weird.
Quick check up with the nurse/midwife who says everything is fine. Appointments now go to three weeks, then two, then weekly. Crap...here we go.
Then over to the ultrasound. Baby still is a little shy, but we saw hands and feet, legs and spine. Face looked like it was pushed into the uterus. There's a joke there, but I'm not saying it. Last but not least, the nurse was convinced that what we were seeing was little girl parts and no little boy parts. So, it appears that it is a girl. S has been saying all along that she thought it was so I guess she was right.
Tonight, S starts her Lamaze class with a wonderful lady from church who volunteered to be S's coach. Not me, thank God.
In other news: we've put down a deposit to move in June, so on top of a pregnant teen due in July, I'm going to move to a new domicile the last week of June. Head examined? Probably need it.
Out for now.
Over to the nurse station where I noticed a new vagina model that hasn't been there before. S said I was weird.
Quick check up with the nurse/midwife who says everything is fine. Appointments now go to three weeks, then two, then weekly. Crap...here we go.
Then over to the ultrasound. Baby still is a little shy, but we saw hands and feet, legs and spine. Face looked like it was pushed into the uterus. There's a joke there, but I'm not saying it. Last but not least, the nurse was convinced that what we were seeing was little girl parts and no little boy parts. So, it appears that it is a girl. S has been saying all along that she thought it was so I guess she was right.
Tonight, S starts her Lamaze class with a wonderful lady from church who volunteered to be S's coach. Not me, thank God.
In other news: we've put down a deposit to move in June, so on top of a pregnant teen due in July, I'm going to move to a new domicile the last week of June. Head examined? Probably need it.
Out for now.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
No post in awhile...
...so here's one:
Without going back to check, I'm not positive I ever mentioned that S is giving this baby up for adoption. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before and since there's only two of you that ever read this, even though you don't comment just so that I know you're alive, and you both know, it's probably a moot point to mention it. Can you say "run-on sentence"? Should the question mark go inside the quotes in the last sentence? I'm never sure about that end of sentence punctuation when there's quotes involved. I could probably reach across the desk for Strunk and White's Elements of Style and it would tell me, but I'm on a roll and don't want to slow down.
Annnnywho...so...to make a long story short, S is considering a couple that I know from work as the adoptive parents. Some seem to think that's a bad idea (S's mom) and others seem to think it's a good idea. All I know is that I've trusted God this far with this thing and I truly believe that we are being led that way, so that's good enough for me. If he doesn't want it that way, he can let us know.
They're a very Godly family. They are already a family of four, with two young girls (± 5 and ± 2), the oldest of which has Cystic Fibrosis. The mom is going to homeschool the girls. They have a nice little house in one of the older parts of Tustin, with a big back yard, and lots of kids in the neighborhood. All the things S never had.
They are very supportive of S's wish to have an open adoption, even to the point of regular contact. It really does feel like a God thing.
S hasn't made the final proclamation yet, although I think she's made the decision is her mind. She asked if we could go back to the Korean BBQ Buffet where we met them last week for dinner, and I think she wants to make her announcement. So, we're going out to dinner again this Saturday. If you're a praying person, offer one up for us.
Without going back to check, I'm not positive I ever mentioned that S is giving this baby up for adoption. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before and since there's only two of you that ever read this, even though you don't comment just so that I know you're alive, and you both know, it's probably a moot point to mention it. Can you say "run-on sentence"? Should the question mark go inside the quotes in the last sentence? I'm never sure about that end of sentence punctuation when there's quotes involved. I could probably reach across the desk for Strunk and White's Elements of Style and it would tell me, but I'm on a roll and don't want to slow down.
Annnnywho...so...to make a long story short, S is considering a couple that I know from work as the adoptive parents. Some seem to think that's a bad idea (S's mom) and others seem to think it's a good idea. All I know is that I've trusted God this far with this thing and I truly believe that we are being led that way, so that's good enough for me. If he doesn't want it that way, he can let us know.
They're a very Godly family. They are already a family of four, with two young girls (± 5 and ± 2), the oldest of which has Cystic Fibrosis. The mom is going to homeschool the girls. They have a nice little house in one of the older parts of Tustin, with a big back yard, and lots of kids in the neighborhood. All the things S never had.
They are very supportive of S's wish to have an open adoption, even to the point of regular contact. It really does feel like a God thing.
S hasn't made the final proclamation yet, although I think she's made the decision is her mind. She asked if we could go back to the Korean BBQ Buffet where we met them last week for dinner, and I think she wants to make her announcement. So, we're going out to dinner again this Saturday. If you're a praying person, offer one up for us.
Friday, April 13, 2007
No joy...
Another trip to the Gyn yesterday, another blood test (S *hates* needles) and another ultrasound. The baby was presenting breech and wouldn't move around so we could get a clear look at the private parts, so we're still not sure what it is. Hence, the "no joy". S thinks it's a girl, and the first ultrasound operator said that it "looked like" a girl, but we're not sure. So we wait....
6 months down, 3 to go. Oh boy.
6 months down, 3 to go. Oh boy.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Argh part 2
I spoke to the mom of the alleged father again this week. He still denies that he is the father, which really pi$$e$ me off. I talked to S again (even though, as I said in an earlier post, I told her that I'd only ask her once), and she told me again that there weren't any other possibilities. You know, I've searched my feelings on this, and it's not that I want anything out of the guy. At one time, S wanted him to suffer, or have to pay, or some such thing (I think maybe those ideas came via S's mom), but she's gotten over that. As I said I don't want anything from him except one thing. I want him to accept responsibility. I don't want him to get away with pretending that it never happened.
Someone is lying. S has lied to me in the past, but I don't think she is this time. I could be wrong. But if S isn't lying then dad is. And I don't want him to get away with it. And only a paternity test will tell.
Someone is lying. S has lied to me in the past, but I don't think she is this time. I could be wrong. But if S isn't lying then dad is. And I don't want him to get away with it. And only a paternity test will tell.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Oh. My. Gosh.
My kid wrote this and asked if she could email it to me. She prefaced it by saying that it wasn't done:
P.S. I don't have permission to print this, but I am anyway. She doesn't even know about this blog.
eyes of grey,tainted pastI didn't know whether to cry, or hold her, or just sit there and stare at the screen...so I stared at the screen. Then I asked her if she was ok. then I told her that she needed to finish it and we'd submit it to someone, somehwere. Any ideas?
nothing of mine ever lasts
i keep on telling myself i'm over your lies
when really i'm broken up inside
the feeling of fear walking outside
knowing that you are near by
it takes me back to every time
we said i love you,everytime we lied
we both know we never meant it
what came out of it is this..
life growing,not knowing what to do
everyday is denial i'm scared & confused
i never thought this would happen to me
when i found out,my heart split into two
part of me will always be with my baby too.
denying everything you know is true
after all this time,i forgive you
out of this came tears,hurt & loss
something beautiful will live on
through me these slow fearful months
P.S. I don't have permission to print this, but I am anyway. She doesn't even know about this blog.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Argh
Had a cup of coffee with the mother of the alleged father of the baby tonight. It was a nice conversation during which I found out that father is denying that the baby is his or even any possibility that it could be his. I mean he's denying to his mother that he and S ever even had sex. Ok. Mother says he could be lying, she doesn't know. I said that S is adamant that he's the father and that we'd require a paternity test if he continues to deny. She understood and said she'd talk to him again.
When I got home, I told S I had a question for her that I was only going to ask once. I asked her if there was any possibility that father is not the father and she said that there was not. I told her that I wouldn't be mad but that it was imperative that I know the truth, and she insists that it couldn't be any other way. She is willing to do the paternity test if need be.
After looking on the internet, we found that pre-natal tests can be harmful to the baby so, of course, S wants to know if there's any other way. I told her we need to talk to the adoption people and see what father says when confronted again before we know anything.
Argh. Just what I need...another hitch in the git-a-long.
When I got home, I told S I had a question for her that I was only going to ask once. I asked her if there was any possibility that father is not the father and she said that there was not. I told her that I wouldn't be mad but that it was imperative that I know the truth, and she insists that it couldn't be any other way. She is willing to do the paternity test if need be.
After looking on the internet, we found that pre-natal tests can be harmful to the baby so, of course, S wants to know if there's any other way. I told her we need to talk to the adoption people and see what father says when confronted again before we know anything.
Argh. Just what I need...another hitch in the git-a-long.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
A Good Weekend
Not much to report lately. We made it to the 6:30 service at church last night. I'm trying to get S more comfortable and interested in going to church. Since the pregnancy and with her being in the alternative school program, she's been completely cut off from friends and social events. She's been more open to the idea, but with her visiting her mom and such, it still makes it difficult to get her there.
We had purchased the Disney Scene-It game earlier in the day yesterday at Target and played it last night when we got home from church. We had a lot of fun with that. We split two games.
Today I got up (even with the dreaded Spring forward) and went to work at church. When I came home we headed to Disneyland. We stopped at a favorite burger stand that we haven't visited in a while on the way. We basically just walked around for a couple hours and then headed home. It was nice to get back to the Land since we haven't visited in awhile. It was a beautiful sun-shiny day, and although the thermometer read around 90°, it didn't feel anywhere near that hot at the Land.
Tonight we watched some TV together and now I'm ready to get to bed and catch up on the sleep that I missed last night.
We had purchased the Disney Scene-It game earlier in the day yesterday at Target and played it last night when we got home from church. We had a lot of fun with that. We split two games.
Today I got up (even with the dreaded Spring forward) and went to work at church. When I came home we headed to Disneyland. We stopped at a favorite burger stand that we haven't visited in a while on the way. We basically just walked around for a couple hours and then headed home. It was nice to get back to the Land since we haven't visited in awhile. It was a beautiful sun-shiny day, and although the thermometer read around 90°, it didn't feel anywhere near that hot at the Land.
Tonight we watched some TV together and now I'm ready to get to bed and catch up on the sleep that I missed last night.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monthly trip to the Gyn
You know, if you had asked me at any point in my life up to now if I thought that I'd be 45, single, and making monthly trips to the gynecologist's office, I think my answer would have been "no."
Nevertheless, that is where I find myself. Monthly trips to the gynecologist, surrounded by pregnant women and vaginas. There are diagrams of vaginas, pictures of vaginas, posters of vaginas, models of vaginas...everywhere in that place. It's actually becoming a running joke that everywhere I look there's another vagina. Enough of that.
Yesterday's trip was short and painless. They are very good at getting S in on time and they are very friendly. The doc said that the results of the AFP blood test were negative in all the places it should be and that the risk of Down's syndrome and something else that I forget are one in 10,000 which puts S in the best risk category that they have.
She also said that the ultrasound showed no problems at all with any of the organs, spine, etc. We listened to the strong, fast heartbeat again. Doctor told S that she was taking very good care of the baby and S was quite pleased with that news. Of course, I was too. I mean, if we're going to bring this baby into the world we should give it the very best start that we can, right?
Until next time...
Nevertheless, that is where I find myself. Monthly trips to the gynecologist, surrounded by pregnant women and vaginas. There are diagrams of vaginas, pictures of vaginas, posters of vaginas, models of vaginas...everywhere in that place. It's actually becoming a running joke that everywhere I look there's another vagina. Enough of that.
Yesterday's trip was short and painless. They are very good at getting S in on time and they are very friendly. The doc said that the results of the AFP blood test were negative in all the places it should be and that the risk of Down's syndrome and something else that I forget are one in 10,000 which puts S in the best risk category that they have.
She also said that the ultrasound showed no problems at all with any of the organs, spine, etc. We listened to the strong, fast heartbeat again. Doctor told S that she was taking very good care of the baby and S was quite pleased with that news. Of course, I was too. I mean, if we're going to bring this baby into the world we should give it the very best start that we can, right?
Until next time...
Monday, February 26, 2007
Update
The talk with R went ok. Actually, it was not really a talk after all, because S called her and told her the things that were bothering her. R apparently took it fairly well, and when I talked to her on the phone, I suggested that we might let S make her own decisions about when to visit for awhile. I said that I thought that she felt really out of control of her life right now and that giving her back a little control would be a good thing. To her credit, she agreed.
S and R came to the decision that she would visit overnight Saturday and come home Sunday, which she did. Things are back on an even keel for the time being.
S and R came to the decision that she would visit overnight Saturday and come home Sunday, which she did. Things are back on an even keel for the time being.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
No appointments this week...
...but S seems to be having increasing anxiety about the health of the baby. No one has said anything that would give her reason to be concerned, but I suppose it's somewhat normal.
In other news:
(Warning: the following is long and may be TMI for some people)
S doesn't want to go visit her mom, R, this week. R and S have had a strange relationship ever since R and I divorced nearly 15 years ago. R has never been consistent in visiting S over the years. To make a long, long, story short...when R found out that S was pregnant, she seemed to "rise to the occasion." She didn't flame out, and said that she wanted to be involved.
R has been seeing S more recently, but still blows it. For instance, R told S for weeks that R wanted to be there for the ultrasound last week. As late as Sunday evening before the test, she said she was going. We had a conversation about how it would be easier for her to go straight to the appointment, rather than come to our house and follow us, because our place would be way out of the way. R said she'd call for directions.
No call. But I knew I had told her where the appointment was. She didn't show up. S has been quite bothered by that. R told S that she didn't go to the appointment because it was a long drive and it "wasn't that important." NOT THAT IMPORTANT?? To who? S certainly thought it was important. I'm sure S feels like Charlie Brown having the football pulled away by Lucy again.
At any rate, R called earlier this week and wants S to visit again. S told me she doesn't want to. Then R called me and said she set things up with S to visit this week, and that R needs money from me because she "can't afford to feed S if she's going to be there a lot."
I told R that we needed to have a sit-down and discuss this whole thing. I'm sure she thinks it's because I don't want to give her money (which I don't, but I would if S really wanted to stay there a lot.) S told me she doesn't want me to give R money because S is afraid R wouldn't use it for S. I told S that money isn't the issue. If S wants to spend time with R, I'll help with a little $$. S said she doesn't want to do that.
R wants S to see a doctor up near R's place and wants her to stay there right up to the delivery. S has no interest in that happening and frankly, neither do I. Granted, it would make my life easier, but R has never given me any proof that she could handle this thing.
So, we scheduled a sit-down for Friday night, but R called and unilaterally changed it to Saturday because it's supposed to rain, thunder and lightning on Friday and she doesn't want to drive in it.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to this </sarcasm> ...if you're a praying person, I need strength, courage, calm, patience, and the right words.
In other news:
(Warning: the following is long and may be TMI for some people)
S doesn't want to go visit her mom, R, this week. R and S have had a strange relationship ever since R and I divorced nearly 15 years ago. R has never been consistent in visiting S over the years. To make a long, long, story short...when R found out that S was pregnant, she seemed to "rise to the occasion." She didn't flame out, and said that she wanted to be involved.
R has been seeing S more recently, but still blows it. For instance, R told S for weeks that R wanted to be there for the ultrasound last week. As late as Sunday evening before the test, she said she was going. We had a conversation about how it would be easier for her to go straight to the appointment, rather than come to our house and follow us, because our place would be way out of the way. R said she'd call for directions.
No call. But I knew I had told her where the appointment was. She didn't show up. S has been quite bothered by that. R told S that she didn't go to the appointment because it was a long drive and it "wasn't that important." NOT THAT IMPORTANT?? To who? S certainly thought it was important. I'm sure S feels like Charlie Brown having the football pulled away by Lucy again.
At any rate, R called earlier this week and wants S to visit again. S told me she doesn't want to. Then R called me and said she set things up with S to visit this week, and that R needs money from me because she "can't afford to feed S if she's going to be there a lot."
I told R that we needed to have a sit-down and discuss this whole thing. I'm sure she thinks it's because I don't want to give her money (which I don't, but I would if S really wanted to stay there a lot.) S told me she doesn't want me to give R money because S is afraid R wouldn't use it for S. I told S that money isn't the issue. If S wants to spend time with R, I'll help with a little $$. S said she doesn't want to do that.
R wants S to see a doctor up near R's place and wants her to stay there right up to the delivery. S has no interest in that happening and frankly, neither do I. Granted, it would make my life easier, but R has never given me any proof that she could handle this thing.
So, we scheduled a sit-down for Friday night, but R called and unilaterally changed it to Saturday because it's supposed to rain, thunder and lightning on Friday and she doesn't want to drive in it.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to this </sarcasm> ...if you're a praying person, I need strength, courage, calm, patience, and the right words.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Ultrasound, part deux
I mentioned in the last post that the baby appears to be a girl, but what I forgot to mention is that S thought that it looked like a turtle. I guess you'd have to see the pictures to get it, but it was pretty funny.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Ultrasound
S had her ultrasound last evening. They got her in right at her appointed time. The nurse said she'd call me in when she was ready. She also said it would be around a half hour. Nearly an hour later, she finally called me in. The skull was very prominent (more so than in other peoples ultrasounds that I've seen.) She also pointed out the arms. She showed us the heart and let us listen to the little thing pounding hard and fast. Then she moved S onto her side and massaged her belly with the ultrasound thingie, to "get the baby to move." (I still can't get used to that - S is the baby in this family.) Then she was able to point out the legs that were kind of crossed in front. Eventually she was able to show us the buttocks area and the lack of visible boy parts between the legs. So, as of right now, it looks like a girl. S is pleased with that.
This is going to be a long, difficult few months.
This is going to be a long, difficult few months.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Hormones.
S. was supposed to go to her mom's Wednesday night for a few days. S. had a sore eyelid and I ended up taking her to the Dr. Wednesday night instead. S. talked to mom after the appointment, and asked, while mom is on the phone, if we could meet tonight (Thursday) instead. Mind you, I had already reminded S. that Thursday night is my group night. I said something to the effect of "sure, I'll have to miss my group, but I'll take you." S. gets back on the phone and says mom will pick her up instead. Cool, I think, she owes me at least one anyway.
No further issues regarding plans until this evening.
S. sends me a text about 4:30 saying she's been picked up already and for me to call later. I'm surprised that she's picked up already, but no worries.
Around 5:30, I call S. who almost immediately launches into a full scale demonic possession about how selfish I am for wanting to go to my group, for making her feel bad about wanting to see her mom, and I don't know what the heck all. I tell her I'm hanging up because my anger is rising, I don't want to continue the conversation right now and I hang up.
Around 6:30, I call her back and try to explain rationally (my second or third mistake at this point) that I think she's being unreasonable. Now I get unloaded on because I didn't want to continue the earlier conversation. "You never want to talk about it at the time." I try to explain that, no, I didn't want to talk about it at the time because I was getting f*#%ing pi&&ed, and I needed to cool down. Not good enough. She hangs up.
Ok, that's my memory and the condensed version but it's pretty darn close to the actual course of events.
Really, if I wanted a wife, I'd go get one. I don't need my kid to try to fill the shoes of one. Even is she is pregnant and hormone imbalanced.
Hi, I'm Dad and I'm the father of a pregnant teen. Thanks for letting me share.
No further issues regarding plans until this evening.
S. sends me a text about 4:30 saying she's been picked up already and for me to call later. I'm surprised that she's picked up already, but no worries.
Around 5:30, I call S. who almost immediately launches into a full scale demonic possession about how selfish I am for wanting to go to my group, for making her feel bad about wanting to see her mom, and I don't know what the heck all. I tell her I'm hanging up because my anger is rising, I don't want to continue the conversation right now and I hang up.
Around 6:30, I call her back and try to explain rationally (my second or third mistake at this point) that I think she's being unreasonable. Now I get unloaded on because I didn't want to continue the earlier conversation. "You never want to talk about it at the time." I try to explain that, no, I didn't want to talk about it at the time because I was getting f*#%ing pi&&ed, and I needed to cool down. Not good enough. She hangs up.
Ok, that's my memory and the condensed version but it's pretty darn close to the actual course of events.
Really, if I wanted a wife, I'd go get one. I don't need my kid to try to fill the shoes of one. Even is she is pregnant and hormone imbalanced.
Hi, I'm Dad and I'm the father of a pregnant teen. Thanks for letting me share.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Counseling Appointment
Left work a little early to take S. to a counseling appointment. This place was recommended by the counselor that S. sees as a result of her IEP (Individualized Education Plan.) I was somewhat surprised to find that the place was quite Christian oriented. I knew from talking to the lady on the phone that they "wouldn't recommend abortion for someone in these circumstances", but it appears that they wouldn't recommend abortion for anyone. That's ok with me, neither would I.
This place turns out to be more crisis intervention than counseling, but the lady we spoke to did tell S. that she'd call her next week and see if S. has any questions after reading the material.
S. really opened up a bit, and at one point I could tell that S. was purposely focusing on the counselor while S. talked. I believed that she was self-conscious over what she was saying with me in room, so I just tried to melt into the chair and keep quiet.
After the meeting was over, she confirmed what I thought, and said that it was ok, she was just pretending I wasn't there.
They gave S. some literature to read, and some names of actual adoption agencies that we can contact for further information.
I got S's permission to call the church tomorrow and find out if they have some kind of adoption counseling program.
This place turns out to be more crisis intervention than counseling, but the lady we spoke to did tell S. that she'd call her next week and see if S. has any questions after reading the material.
S. really opened up a bit, and at one point I could tell that S. was purposely focusing on the counselor while S. talked. I believed that she was self-conscious over what she was saying with me in room, so I just tried to melt into the chair and keep quiet.
After the meeting was over, she confirmed what I thought, and said that it was ok, she was just pretending I wasn't there.
They gave S. some literature to read, and some names of actual adoption agencies that we can contact for further information.
I got S's permission to call the church tomorrow and find out if they have some kind of adoption counseling program.
Monday, February 5, 2007
First post
I've been batting around the idea of this blog ever since I got the news that my 15 year old daughter, S., is with child. That's been a bit over three months ago now, and here I am. I'm not sure what I intend to accomplish with this. Maybe just get some stuff off my chest that I have no other outlet for, starting with:
Got a voice mail today. It was a nurse from the doctor's office saying please call back. I'm not much of a worrier, but the fact that the nurse called a week after S. took the optional AFP blood test caused me a little concern. So, I call the nurse back. She starts off her spiel with the fact that she's a maternity nurse from the section that deals with high risk pregnancies, twins, triplets, etc. I'm about read to freak out at this point. High risk? Twins?? TRIPLETS???
Oh and then, almost like an after-thought, she adds, "and teenage pregnancies." Ok, ok, I can deal with it now. After all, I've come to grips with that part already.
Turns out she's just offering the services of her unit. They have three maternity nurses on staff that are available just a phone call away in case the patient, or in this case her freakin' out dad, have any questions or concerns.
Cool . . . just don't do that "high-risk" thing to me again. I'm an old guy and my heart can't take it.
Stay tuned for the backstory as I realize I've dropped you, my reader, right into the middle of this adventure. . .
Got a voice mail today. It was a nurse from the doctor's office saying please call back. I'm not much of a worrier, but the fact that the nurse called a week after S. took the optional AFP blood test caused me a little concern. So, I call the nurse back. She starts off her spiel with the fact that she's a maternity nurse from the section that deals with high risk pregnancies, twins, triplets, etc. I'm about read to freak out at this point. High risk? Twins?? TRIPLETS???
Oh and then, almost like an after-thought, she adds, "and teenage pregnancies." Ok, ok, I can deal with it now. After all, I've come to grips with that part already.
Turns out she's just offering the services of her unit. They have three maternity nurses on staff that are available just a phone call away in case the patient, or in this case her freakin' out dad, have any questions or concerns.
Cool . . . just don't do that "high-risk" thing to me again. I'm an old guy and my heart can't take it.
Stay tuned for the backstory as I realize I've dropped you, my reader, right into the middle of this adventure. . .
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