3 years ago tonight...

...I was sleeping in "the canoe" at the hospital, while Sarah tried to sleep in her hospital bed. It was a rough night to be sure.

Now we're three years on the other side . . . Sarah is 18 now, working part time and looking towards college part time in the fall. She is driving. She spends lots of time away from the house with her friends. How that affects me is the stuff of another post that I wrote at my other blog.

We see Faith and her sisters occasionally. Not as much as we should, I often feel, but life is just . . . busy , I guess.

Sarah is still deeply affected by the loss. She has never questioned whether she did the right thing, but she just misses her. She pulled me aside tonight and tried to explain to me how she still feels that a part of her is missing. Sarah did pregnancy so well, and to this day I'm still proud of her for the way she handled the whole thing.

This feels disjointed and awkward, but I felt that I needed to write something. We're going to Faith's birthday party tomorrow which she will share with her sister, Pearl. I know it well be a bittersweet day.

It has been an up and down year for us. We've both brought some great people into our lives, and we've both suffered some losses. Sarah's relationship with her mother is estranged and difficult, at best. She also had a boyfriend for awhile that she really liked, who hurt her. He still pops up from time to time and makes it that much more difficult. Growing up sucks. It's hard enough being grown up . . . at least I'm trying to be grown up . . . but getting here is a hell of a ride. All I can do is continue to be there for her when she wants me and stand aside when she doesn't. LOL . . . for Sarah too!

Here's to another year.