It's still not over....

Back on July 23rd, 2007, I wrote that it would never be all over, and boy, was I right. Faith is now 2 and a half and we deal with some emotion from those decisions nearly every single day. Some days more than once a a day. Some days, the whole friggin' day.

Lately it's been more of the "whole friggin' day" days. Sarah has been exceptionally emotional with the Christmas season coming, due at least in part to the fact that the Smith's will not be home for Christmas this year. This is the year that they go up north to visit Jeff's family.

That, and she hasn't been visiting as much recently as she had been in the past. For whatever reason, she feels as though she's not as welcome as she once was at the Smiths' house. I'm sure there is something more to this whole thing, and thought that it might be a case of Susan not wanting to hurt any feelings and not enough communication.

So, tonight I got Susan on the phone. I told her what was going on on this end, and she explained a little more about what is going on on that end. Then she offered to talk to Sarah. Sarah took the phone and they talked for nearly a half hour. Sarah came back and said that she felt better and that they were going to talk more when the Smith's return home from vacation in a week.

I am now looking forward to a less emotional week ahead.

It was two years ago today...

From Sarah and Faith

...that they looked like this.

From Faith's Birthday Trip to Disneyland

Today, they look like this.

Where has two years gone?

Been a long time...

...since I posted at this blog. I guess that's largely due to the fact that I'm not a PTD anymore. Faith will be 20 months old tomorrow.

Things are going well, for the most part. We visit Faith and the Smith's regularly, and since Sarah is in alternative ed. she spends many days over at their house helping out with the kids. Susan tells us that it is a blessing to have Sarah there, and it's helpful to hear that...because sometimes it just feels...weird. Not all the time, but sometimes.

Today was one of those days. Faith had surgery this morning to correct a submucousal cleft of the soft palate. More about the specifics of that here: http://www.cleftline.org/publications/submucous

Sarah and I went to the hospital early this morning and stayed while Faith was in surgery. We were talking about leaving to take Sarah over to be with the other girls when the doctor walked out. Everything went fine, but only Jeff and Susan would be allowed in to see her for a bit. So we went ahead and left.

On the drive, Sarah was upset and we talked about how sometimes she doesn't know what her boundaries are with Faith. She feels love for all three girls and doesn't worry about "boundaries" with the other girls, but it's different with Faith. Sarah goes out of her way to make sure that she tries to show each equivalent amounts of attention, but feels sometimes like she's "intruding". This morning was one of those times.

We talked about how she didn't really feel like she was welcome at the hospital, and I knew what she meant. I wrote it off as Jeff and Susan being, tired, distracted, and worried, but it isn't as easy for Sarah. I had to tell myself that "it's not about me", and again it's not easy for Sarah to do that.

Gotta run for now....more later....